
Prisoners in 
Millersville 



1\ 



By 



Alice Norris-Lewis 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 




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(d) 



PRISONERS IN 
MILLERSVILLE 



A FARCICAL DRAMA 

IN FOUR ACTS 



By 

ALICE NORRIS- LEWIS 

Author of "The Spy at St. Agnes," etc. 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Avenue, LEBANON, OHIO 






COPYRIGHT. 1921, By 
MARCH BROTHERS 



TI^P96-007496 

OCT ~3 1921 

©CI.D 58785 



Prisoners in Millersville 



A F^VRCICAL DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 



CHARACTERS 

Miss Susie Cummings — AVlio takes summer boarders 
in Millersville. 

Rose Marie McIntosh — Her maid of all work. 

Mrs. Jane Allen — An inquisitive neighbor. 

Randolph King, j By reason of a lost 

alias Charles Tilton I pocketbook and broken 

Robert Webster, | ^^i^^' these two are held 

alias James Tilton j Prisoners m Millersville. 

Beatrix King — Sister of Randolph. 

Dolly Ejng — Kid sister of Randolph. 

Mrs. King — His mother. 

Lucile Martin — A friend of the Kings'. 

Mrs. Emma Irving — A boarder. 

Pauline Irving — Her niece. 

Ethelind Irving — Her niece. 

Augustus Adolphus Van Der Water — A boarder, 
in love with Ethelind. 

Time: The present. Costumes: Modern. 

Scene 

[Veranda of old-fashioned New England home- 
stead. Unchanged throughout the play.] 

3 



4 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

ACT I 

Scene: [Front porch of 3Iiss Susie Ciimmings* 
cottage in MilUrsvUlc, N. II. 3Iiss Susie sits in center 
of stage peeling potatoes]. 

Miss Cummings : Rose Marie ! Rose Marie ! Come 
here, I want you ! That girl is as hard to keep track 
of as a flea. I sent her out half an hour ago to see 
if the cow was tied, and she ain't come back yet. 
Rose Marie! Rose Marie! 

Rose Marie [in distance] : I'm comin'. 

Miss C. : I should think it was about time. [Enter 
Rose Marie.] Where you been all this time? 

Rose Marie : Lookin' after the mooley. She's al- 
right. She's havin' the time of her life gettin' out- 
side the weeds in the back yard. 

Miss C. : Weeds in the back yard ! Mercy on us ! 
There ain't any. Them's green peas. Do you mean to 
say that plaguy cow is into them and you didn't stop 
her? [Jumps up and starts to rush out. At door 
humps into Mrs. Jane Allen, who is just entering 
tvith a cup in hand.] Goodness, I near upset you, 
Jane. Go up on the piazza and sit down while I look 
after that cow of mine. I'll be right back. [Exit.] 

[Mrs. Allen takes the chair Miss C. has vacated 
and begins to stare at R. 31. R. M. stares loldhj 
hack again. They glare at each other a few moments 
'in silence.] 

R. M. : Like the looks? 

Mrs. a.: I dunno, I ain't made up my mind yet. 

R. M. : Take all the time you want. I ain 't holdin ' 
my breath to know if you think my back hair's on 
straight. 



1 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE ' D 

Mrs. a.: Did Miss Susie bring you from the city? 
R. M. : Naw. 

Mrs. a.: Be you a relation of hers? 
R. M. : Naw. 

Mrs. a. : Who are you then ? 
R. M. : I dunno. 

Mrs. a. : You dunno 'I Dunno who you be ? Then 
you must be crazy. 

R. M. : I am. 

Mrs. a.: Mercy on us. Don't come any nigher 
me than you are. [Enter Miss C] 

Miss C: You run right up to the lower potato 
patch and see if the cow's been in there, too, Rose 
Marie. She's eat up almost all the peas. 

R. M.: Where's the spud patch? 

Miss C: Down by the spring. Hurry! [Exit 
Pi. 31.] 

Mrs. a.: Who is she for pity's sakes? I should 
be scared to death of her. 

Miss C: She's a poor girl I brought back from 
the city. I'm goin' to keep her for the summer. 
Did you want to borrow something? 

Mrs. a.: Ahem— eh, yes. A little— er—er—tlour. 

Miss C: I'm sorry, Jane, but I'm just out. I 
cleaned up everything when I went to the city, and 
the grocer ain't been with my order yet. 

Mrs. a.: Wal, never mind. I don't need it. I 
wanted to borry something, and I thought flour was 
as good as anything. Did you have a nice time up 
to Boston? 



b PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Miss C. : Yes, real nice. ' But I like home best. 
I warn't made for the city. 

Mrs. a.: It's been real lonesome since you been 
gone. I s'pose you've had the Millersville Tatler 
sent you each week? You see Silas Simpkins is dead 
and Eph Turner has married Huldah Gales. 

Miss C. : Yes, I kept appraised of town topics. 
Well, Death comes to us all, and Matrimony will 
set in. 

Mrs. a. : But the idee of Eph and Huldah ! Land 
sakes, Eph can't earn enough money to keep a mos- 
quiter in tobacco, let alone himself. I don't see what 
possessed Huldah. 

Miss C. : Wal, she's goin' in with her eyes open. 
She's known Eph ever since he was born and ain't 
known no good of him. 

Mrs. a.: I thought you'd bring some of your 
folks home with you. 

Miss C. : No. I'm going to take some of their 
friends to board, instead. 

Mrs. a. : Fer the land sakes ! 

^liss C. : Cousin Anne suggested it. She said it 
was silly of me not to try it. She says there's heaps 
of money in it. She spoke to some of her friends 
about me an' Millersville and half a dozen of 'em 
are coming up for July. Rose Marie '11 help with the 
work, and I've got a garden and the cow and all the 
city conveniences, so it won't be hard. 

Mrs. a.: I shouldn't think you'd want a parcel 
of strangers 'round all summer. 

Miss C. : Oh, they ain't exactly strangers. I've 
met them all. I'm goin' to have a couple of college 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE < 

boys to wait on table and help 'round. It will please 
the girls and make them want to stay longer. 
Mrs. a. : Got the boys yet ? 

Miss C. : Not yet, but they're comin' any day. 
Anne '11 send them. 

Mrs a. : Well, I must say you're crazy long with 
that Rose Marie. The idee!- Summer boarders _aL 
vour time of life, an' fellars and gals lally-gaggin 
''round your front porch. You'll wish you was but- 
tered 'fore two weeks is up. 

Miss C. : Maybe I will— but I shan't run over with 
the butter knife an' ask you to butter me, Jane. 

Mrs a. [rising] : Oh, I know what you mean. 
Tain't none of my business. Wal, I guess I'd better 
be goin'. I shan't come over agin in a hurry, neither. 
Miss C. : Jest as you like, Jane. [Exit Mrs. A.] 
Now, she's mad. I don't care. Curiosity will cure 
her sooner or later! {Enter B. 31. with two young 
men tied together ivith rope.] Mercy sakes alive I 
What is this. Rose Marie ^ 

R. M. [to loys]: Stop youse pullin' I tell yer! 
Randolph [sat;a5reZt/] : Who's pulling? 
R. M.: Youse! Sit down. [Both try io sit on 
one chair.'] 

MissC: Who are they. Rose Marie? Where did 
you get them? 

R M. : I dunno who they are. [To loys.] Keep 
your feet still. You make me nervous. 

Miss C. * For pity's sake, child, tell me all about it. 

R M • It was this way, Mis' Susie. I went down 

to the potater patch and the mooley hadn t been m it 

at all I was jest comin' back when I heard a home- 



8 PRISONERS IN MIIXEKSVILLE 

honk wagon comin' over the hill. I ain't seen one 
sense I left Boston, so I thought I'd wait and look 
at it — might cheer me up. Wal, when the joy riders 
sees the spring they shuts off the juice and stops to 
water up. Say, that was the driest buggy I ever 
seen. It took gallons to fill her up. Then Foxey 
Grandpa, here [points to Randolph] says to Grammy, 
here [points to Boh] : ''Of all punk roads, this is the 
punkest. This is the one Jack Williams said ran right 
through the state like an Oriental rug. When I see 
Williams I'll make him eat his lie." "Let's take a 
short cut an' see if we can't strike something better," 
advises Grammy. ''See that nice, soft grass over 
there." "That ain't grass, loony," says Foxey. "It's 
somethin' growin'." "AVal," asks Grammy, "don't 
grass grow?" "Oh, you know what I mean," growls 
Foxey. '^It's potatoes or something." "I don't care 
if it's gold bricks," says Grammy. "Let's cut across, 
and if the farmer pinches us for it, I should worry." 
So off they go, but when they got in the middle of 
the spud patch, somethin' went off ker-bang. I legged 
it across the field and there they was, down under- 
neath the machine lookin' fer trouble. Then I jest 
helped myself to some rope I found in the car, tied 
them up and brought them here. What you goin' 
to do with 'em 1 

Miss C. : Oh, dear, oh, dear ! And the potatoes 
were nearly ready to dig. Oh, dear, dear, dear! 
What shall I do to these awful boys ? 

R. M.: Kill 'em. I'll fix Foxey. 

Ran. : If you will listen to me, madanae, I think 
I can explain things a little. I admit that I went 
into the field purposely, but I am willing to pay the 
costs. In fact, I intended to do so — 

R. M. : You did, in me eye ! 



^ 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 9 

Bob: I don't believe, madame, that we have done 
so much damage. We may have run over a couple 
of dozen plants, but as there is only one potato on a 
plant — 

Miss C. : One potato on a plant! You know littl^^ 
about potatoes, young man. 

Ran. : The best I can do now, madame, is to pay 
for what damage I've done and ask your permission 
to roll my machine into your barn until we can repai;- 
it. We will board with you while we work on it and 
pay you well. Can I be more fair? 

Miss C. : I don't know's you can. But money 
won't really pay for the damage. Oh, dear! Boys 
ain't wliat they was when I was young. Rose Mario, 
untie them. 

R. M. : Let 'em produce the cash, first. 

Ran. : Oh. we have it. You may go to my coat 
pocket and take it out yourself. 

R. M. \ searching coat] : I bet you swiped the car 
and the money too. There ain't no pocketbook here, 
though, as far as I can find. 

Ran. : There is. In the inside, left hand pocket. 

R. M. : Nothing doin '. 

Bob: I bet you've lost your pocketbook. I was 
dead broke anyway. 

Ran.: I tell you I haven't lost it. Untie me, 
Angel-face, I won't break away. 

R. M. : I guess it won't do any harm to untie you. 
We've got your flivver an' that's more valuable than 
youse. [Unties them.] Now find your money — if 
you can. [Ran. hunts frantically, hut finds nothing.] 

Ran. [to B. M.] : You've taken it! 



10 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

R. M. : I ain't. Don't you dare call me a thief! 

Ran.: It's gone sure as Fate! 

Bob : Now wc are in a fix ! 

Miss C. : I'm afraid Rose Marie is right. You 
have not been telling me the truth. 

R. M. [to Miss C] : Come here a minute. I've got 
it all doped out. You need two boys to help this 
summer. Now's your chance. Instead of givin' them 
to the police, tell 'em they've got to stay and pay for 
the damage they've done by workin' fer you. They'll 
have to stay, for they ain't got any money to leave 
with, and if they stay they'll work — believe me. 

Miss C. : That is a good idea, Rose Marie. The 
only thing is — I don't know as I want them. I want 
nice, gentlemanly boys, if they're going to be 'round 
where I am all summer. Still, Anne said college boys 
would be hard to get, and she didn't know — I believe 
I'll try 'em. [To hoys.] 1 hope you've been telling 
me the truth, although I must say it doesn't look so. 
You ought to be turned right over to the constable, 
but I'll make you this proposition first. You see, I'm 
going to keep summer boarders, and I need two boys 
about your size to chore around for me while they're 
here. I don't know as you'll do, for you don't either 
of you look like you could spell the word *^work" 
even, but I'm going to give you the chance to work 
out the damage you've done me. I'll give you a 
chance to think it over a minit. Remember, it is that 
or the constable. [Exit 3Iiss C. and R. M.] 

Ran.: Well, we're in for it. 

Bob: It's your fault. You shouldn't have lost 
your pocketbook. 

Ran.: Anyone would think you believed I did it 
on purpose. 



PRISONERS IX MILLERSVILLE 11 

Bob: Well have to stay here until we get some 
cash. I'll write to Dad tonight. 

Ran. : You '11 have to, but remember not to men- 
tion you are with me. I don't want the governor to 
know I've smashed the machine. He didn't know I 
took it, for he was in the West on a business trip, and 
I meant to be back before him. The last time I 
smashed it he told me I wasn't to run it again-. I'll 
get H'ail Columbia Happy Land if you blab on me. 

Bob: Dad's getting to be a regular tightwad with 
me lately. I don't know as I can get anv money, but 
I'll try. 

Ran. : Tell him we're desperate. Better telegraph. 

Bob: Where's the money to pay for it? 

Ran. : See if you can't find a half dollar about you 
somewhere. 

Bob [hunting] : Can you get blood out of a stone? 
But here's a postage stamp. 

Ran. : We can write. 

Bob [writing and reading] : Dear Dad: — Please 
send five hundred immediately. Dead broke and in 
distress. Your affectionate son, Robert. Do you think 
that will touch his stony heart? I've underlined dis- 
tress twice and immediately five times. [Enter E. M.] 

R. M. : AVell, have youse two made up your minds? 
Miss Susie says anyway, you've got to split wood for 
supper. 

Bob: Some supper — wood. 

R. M.: Don't get fresh. 

Ran.: I want you to understand I don't do any- 
thing until I get my machine into the barn. 



12 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

R. M. : And I want you to understand that you 
ain't the boss around here, and if Miss Susie says 
chop wood, you ehop. 

Ran.: You're the limit for a grouch. 

R. M. : I know it. Sixty miles per is my limit and 
I ain't worked up to thirty yet. 

Bob: Where's the mailbox? 

Ran.: On the front gate. [Enter Miss C] 

Miss C. : Have they decided to stay, Rose Marie ? 

R. M. : They're so slow decidin' I'll speak for 
'em. Yes, they'll stay. [To hoys.] This way to the 
wood-pile. [They follow R. M. out at left.] 

Miss C: Rose Marie is smart. I'd never have 
thought of this scheme. It's lucky this thing hap- 
pened, for I just got a letter from Anne and she 
couldn't find me a boy. I'd advertised them in the 
paper and the gals would have been awful upset not 
to find any here. 

Ran. [outside]: Ouch! My thumb! 

Bob [outside] : Look out. When this axe gets 
through this hunk of wood they'll be something doing. 
[Eiiter R. M.] 

R. M. : You'd die to see 'em work. They ain't 
used to anything very lively in that line, you can 
see. 

Ran. [outside] : Quick, Bob. I've nearly cut my 
thumb off. 

Miss C. [runniiig out at left] : Mercy on us! Let's 
see if he has. 

R. M. [going out leisurely] : By the way he was 
choppin' he might any minute cut his head off. But 
tain't much use to him, so far's I can see, so what 
would it matter? 

curtain 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 13 

ACT II 

Scene: [Same as Act I. Randolph, sweeping and 
scruhhivg piazza, tvhistling and occasionally taking 
huge bites of a pie which he has hidden beneath a 
chair. Enter Bob]. 

Bob: Here you are I I've been looking all over 
the ranch for you. It's your turn to feed the pig. 

Ran. : Ah, go on I I feci him yesterday. 

Bob: I'll tell the world you didn't. I fed him 
yesterday and the day before that and the day before 
that. 

Ran.: You ought to be satisfied.- You're out in 
the nice, fresh air. 

Bob: Nice, fresh air! 

Ran.: Anyway, it's better than wiping dishes for 
The Angel. She keeps folks on the hump. 

Bob: I don't understand why we don't hear from 
Dad. The last time I hit him for money he said he'd 
never give me another cent, but he's been saying 
that for the last three years, so I didn't put any stock 
in it. It looks, now% as though he meant it. 

Ran.: We've got to do something. We must have 
money to fix that auto. The engine is in awful shape. 

Bob: I don't know where v/e are going to get any. 
We couldn't even steal any in this burg — there's 
none to steal. [Enter R. M.] 

R. M. : Wliich one of youse milked the mooley 
yesterday ? 

Bob : I did. 

Ran. : I beg your pardon, I did. I do all the 
work on this farm. 

R. M. : Well, who milked her this morning? Miss 
Susie wants to know what you do with all the milk. 



14 PRISONERS In mtllersville 

Ran.: Put it in the pail where it belongs, Miss 
Ljooiiey. 

R. M, \ going to door and calling] : Foxey Grandpa 
milked this mornin'. He .says he put the milk in the 
pail. [Enter Miss C] 

Miss C. : Is that all the milk you got? 

Ran. : Yes, marm. 

Miss C. : Well, I never. That eow generally gives 
six or eight quarts a day, but she ain't give over 
three since you've been here. 

R. M. : Oh, he probably lets her kick over the 
bucket. He don't seem ter grasp the idea of country 
life in America in the leaste.^t I 

Miss C. : I want you boys to- hurry now and get 
through with your chores for the boarders are com- 
ing on the 10:30 train and one of you has got to 
drive to meet them. [To Ran.] I suppose you think 
this piazza is cleaned, but it ain't — far from it. Go 
get a brush and scrub up that spot by the chair there. 
\Exit Ran. to return with pad and brush.] Now, 
put some elbow grease in it. Get down on your knees 
to it. [Ran. scrubs and forgets the pie he has hidden. 
It comes to viciv.] 

R. M: My eye! See the pie he's got! He's 
swiped it and eat it half up. 

Miss C. : You can't trust them a minute. I dunno 
but it would have been better for my peace of mind 
if I'd handed them over to tlic constable. [To Ran.] 
That looks better. Now you can go and dig some 
potatoes for dinner. Come, Jim. you've got to go 
to the train for the folks. [Exit R^ M. and Miss C] 

Ran: Say. Bob, do you suppose there's a pawn- 
shop in town? 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 15 

Bob: No, I do not. But why? 

Ran. : I was thinking we might hock our watches. 

Bob : I '11 keep a weather eye open for three 
golden balls ; while I wait for the train I'll slip around 
town and see if I can do anything. Here's my watch 
and a scarf pin. We ought to get a hundred on the 
whole thing. [Enter 31iss C] 

Miss C. : I don't suppose you know anybody in 
Boston, do you ? 

Bob : Not a soul. 

Miss C. : These people all hail from there. There 
is Mrs. Randolph King and her two daughters, 
Beatrix and Dolly, and Miss King's friend, Lucile 
Martin. Then there's Mrs. Emma Irving and her two 
nieces, Pauline and Ethelind. The little girl, Ethelind, 
is in love with some man, and her aunt is bringing 
her up here to get her away from him. I hope you 
boys will behave yourselves. Come, Jim, you go git 
ready to start. Harness up Dobbin. [Exit.] 

[After the exit of Miss C, Boh and Ran. stare 
helplessly at each other for a feiv moments.] 

Ran.: What shall we do? 

Bob: Let's tramp it back to Boston. The jig 
is up. 

Ran.: There's the auto. 

Bob: I forgot that. We can't go without it, and, 
confound it, we can't take it with us. We'll never 
hear the last of this scrape. I don't know what we 
will do. 

Ran.: There's one thing we can try to do, but 
I'm afraid it w^on't work very well. We'll pretend 
we never saw any of the folks before and keep on 



16 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

calling ourselves Charles and Jitii Tilton. No n^atter 
what they say, we must not forget ourselves. 

Bob: Of course that w^on't do. Trix is a shrewd 
one, and so is Dolly. She'll be worse to manage than 
all the others. Trust a kid for that. 

Ran. : Yes, but — a fellow is supposed to know his 
own name, isn't he? If you go up to a man, clap 
him on the back and say, "Hi, there, Harry Brown," 
and he gives you the glassy eye and retorts, "You are 
mistaken. My name is not Brown, but Green," what 
are you going to do? He's supposed to be sane and 
sure of his identity. 

Bob: Oh, hang! I'll feel like an idiot when Trix 
sees me wiping Miss Susie's dishes. 

Ran. : Lucile will never speak to me again when 
she sees me feeding the pig. 

Bob: Life isn't worth living and there's no balm 
in Gilead. I'm going to commit suicide. [Enter B. M.] 

R. M. : Are youse ready ? 

Ran.: Yes. He is. 

R. M. : Why don't he speak for himself, John? 

Bob: I'm ready. [To Ba7i.] We'll try the 
scheme, anyway. [To Rose Marie.] Come on, Angel. 
[Exit R. M. and Boh. Enter Miss C] 

Miss C. : You needn't dig potatoes after all. Go 
get ready for the boarders. You'll make a better 
impression cleaned up. 

Ran.: No doubt I'll make an impression. [Exit,] 

Miss C. : I declare, I'm clean beat out. I dunno 
but Jane Allen was right and these summer boarders 
will be the death of me. And them two boys worry 
me most to death with their ignorance of common 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 17 

farm chores. I reckon that's the result of always 
living in the city. If 'twasn't for Rose Marie, I'd 
be plum crazy.- Poor child, it's too bad she ^in't 
had the right start; but I'm going to do right by 
her while she's here in Millersville. It won't be long 
'til she can stand up beside the best of 'em. She's no 
dummy! [Enter Ran.] 

Miss C. : Wal, you look better spruced up. You 
ain't handsome, but of course you can't help that. 
Sit down and sit still. Don't shuffle your feet or 
whistle. It gives me the figets. The boarders ought 
to be right along now. 

Ran. : I hear 'em coming ! 

Miss C. : No you don't, either. The train ain't 
whistled jQi. It whistles soon's it's in. Gracious, 
there's that cow makin' for Jane Allen's flower bed. 
Head her off, quick. [Exit Ran.] Now see him! He 
can't catch her and it seems jest like she laughed 
in his face every time she gets by him. [Enter Ran.] 

Miss C. : Don't you know any better than to stand 
in front of a cow and wave your arms at her when 
you're trying to catch her? You'll scare her to death. 

Ran.: I wish I could. The team's coming. 

Miss C. [in a flutter] : So 'tis. Do I look alright? 

Ran.: Lovely. [To himself.] In about thirty 
minutes I'll look like thirty cents. [Enter R. M., Bob 
mid summer hoarders.] 

R. M. : Here we be. Miss Susie, the wliole shootln' 
match of us. 

Miss C. : I'm glad to see you. [Shakes hands 
with hoarders.] Everything's ready and dinner's on 
cooking. I suppose you'll want to get washed up a 
little, so Rose Marie '11 show you right up to your 
rooms. 



18 PRISONERS IN MTLLERSVTLLE 

LuciLE [gazing around] : I think this is the 
loveliest little mountain village I ever saw. 

Beatrix: Just heavenly. I know we shall enjoy 
every minute of our stay here. 

Dolly \to Miss C] : May I go right out and see 

the cow slip? 

Miss C. : Mercy sakes alive ! What does the little 
dear mean? 

Mrs. King: Oh, her father, who is a great tease, 
told her she must be sure to make the butter fly and 
see the cow slip. I can't make her understand he was 
only joking. 

Dolly : Have you got a cow that can slip ? 

Ran. : Have we got a cow that can slip. Well, she 
«an slip me any time, I'll tell the world. 

Beatrix: Goodness, mother! There's Randolph. 

Dolly: Oh, Rannie, Rannie! [Runs to him and 
hugs him.] 

Mrs. K. : My dear boy ! What a relief to find you 
here. We have been very much worried over your 
absence. [Kisses him.] 

Ran. : I 'm sorry, ma 'm, but you 've made a mis- 
take. My name is Tilton — Charles Tilton. 

Mrs. K. : Why. I — er — I don 't understand. You 
are the exact image of my son Randolph. Isn't he, 
Beatrix? 

Beatrix: The likeness is startling. Still he says 
his name is Tilton, and I presume he knows his own 
name. 

LuciLE: The fellow that drove us up looks like 
Bob Webster. But I suppose that is another singular 
coincidence. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 19 

Bob: My name is Tilton, too. I am a brother of 
Charles. 

Mrs. K. : It is very, very, strange. I don't under- 
stand it. I have heard of doubles in the world, but 
I never saw it illustrated before. It is positively 
uncanny. 

Beatrix: I'm still not disposed to believe it. [To 
Miss C.J How long have you known these two fel- 
lows, and what do you know about them? 

R. M. : She knows little good of 'em. Miss, I can 
say. 

Beatrix: Are they giving me their right names? 

R. M. : I don 't know, miss. Very likely not. But 
— it's the names they've answered the call to dinner, 
breakfast and supper with ever since they've been 
here and it ain't taken them long to get there, either. 

Mrs. K. : I don't understand it. Please show me 
to my room, Miss Cummings. I'm quite overcome 
with it all. [Exit R. M., Miss C. and hoarders.] 

Ran. : It will work for a while, but not for long. 
The letter with the money may come in the next 
mail and then we'll be all set, anyway. Did you pawn 
the watches! 

Bob : Did I pawn the watches ? I '11 say I did — 
Not. There wasn't a hock shop in town, and if there 
had been a hundred Rose Marie wouldn't have let 
me out of her sight long enough to do anything. She 
stuck like a poor relation. 

Ran.: Who is this coming up the path? [Enter 
Augustus Adolphus Van Der Water.] 

Van: Excuse me! Is this a boarding house run 
by a Miss Cummings? 

Bob: It am. 



20 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Van: Could I see her please ? [Enter R. M.] 

Bob: Here's something that wants to see Miss 
Cummings. 

R. M. [surveying Van] : My eye! He looks almost 
human. 

Van : Beg pardon, madame. My name is Augustus 
Adolphus Van Der Water. Here is my card. I'm 
looking for a room. Could I engage one for the 
month of July? 

R. M. : I don 't know, Gus. We 're pretty particu- 
lar about who clutters up our rooms. Got a receipted 
bill from your last boarding lady? 

Van: Really now, I never hired a room before. 
I own a mansion in town, 'pon my word I do. I'm 
very wealthy. My father is Augustus Van Der Water, 
the manufacturer of ladies' false switches, puffs, etc. 
No doubt you are wearing some of his' goods now. 

R. M. : I'm only wearing my own hair, you im- 
pudent idiot. [Going to door and calling.] Miss 
Susie! Miss Susie! Here's a man here wants a 
room. Better see him before you let him have it. 
[Enter Miss C. and Mrs. /.] 

Mrs. I. : I believe your letter stated that you had 
somebody here who is capable of teaching a girl 
a little backward in her studies. 

Miss C. : I got two college boys here. 

Mrs. I. : My niece, Pauline, is very, very deficient 
in Latin and English. May I see the young man 
who is capable of teaching? 

Miss C. [to Boh] : Come here, Jim. Do you know 

Latin? 

Bob : I am intimately acquainted with it. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 21 

Mrs. I.: Do you think you could teach my niece? 
She is very anxious to go on with her college class 
but can not unless she makes up both her Latin and 
English. 

Bob : Which niece ? The little one or the tall one ? 

Mrs. I. : Pauline. The tall, dark one. 

Bob: I'm afraid I couldn't, madame. But my 
brother could do it, easily. [To Ran.] Come here, 
Charles, you are spoken for. 

Mrs. I.: Your brother says you are well up in 
Latiu. 

Ran.: My brother, ahem— is untruthful. 

Mrs. I. : But couldn't you teach it, if you wanted 
to? 

Bob [aside to Ran.] : She wants you to teach the 
tall, dark girl. She was a peach. 

Ran. : Of course, I can teach your niece. 

Mrs. I. : Could you arrange to give her a lesson 
in the morning? 

Ran.: Indeed, I can. 

Van [who has been standing uncomfortahhj about 
during the conversation] : Excu.se me, but could I 
get a room here for the month of July? I m sorry 
to trouble you, but if you have no room I must go back 
and catch the next train— which is the last train, I 
believe — to Boston today. 

Mrs. I.: Augustus Adolphus Van Der Water! I 
presume you followed us. 

Van: Oh, no, madame, no, no! Is— er— is Miss 
Ethelind v/ell? 



22 PRISONERS IN MILLEKSVILLE 

Mrs. I: I decline to answer. [Exit.] 

Miss C. : I've got one small room left. Will that 
do? 

Van: Oh, nicely. I'll go to it at once. [Enter 
Ethelind.] 

Ethelind: Oh, Gus! Gus! I knew you'd come. 
When did you get my post card? 

Van: This morning. And I hustled right aboard 
the same train and came along. 

Ethelind: Oh, I'm so glad. This place is about 
as lively as a tombstone. Now you've come, it will 
be livelier. 

Van: Oh, yes, I'm such a gay fellow, don't you 
know 1 

Ethelind: Have you seen Aunt Emma? 

Van: Yes, and she positively glared at me. I 
was almost afraid of her. 

Ethelind: She won't let us go anywhere together, 
iiiit we'll talk with our signal code, won't we. You 
know! [She pulls curl thai hangs over shoulder.] 

Van: That means, ^'I love you!" Oh, indeed, I 
know. 

Ethelind: I don't dare stay a minute longer or 
Aunt Emma will catch me. Good-bye, Gus. [Pulls 
ourl. Exit.] 

Ran. [to Boh] : I feel ill. [Enter R. M.] 

R. M. : Come on, youse two. Miss Susie wants 
you to peel taters and whip cream for dinner. Hipper. 

curtain 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 23 

ACT III 

Scene: [Same as previous act. Beatrix is dis- 
covered swinging in the hammock. Randolph, who 
has heen sweeping tJis piazza, sits opposite her, ivith 
a pail of water at his feet' and a broom in hand.] 

Beatrix : Do you know, I 've finally made up my 
mind about you. 

Ran.: Indeed! 

Beatrix : You've puzzled me ever since I first saw 
you. One day I would half believe you were my 
brother and the next day I would believe you were 
Charles Tilton. Now I am certain. You are my 
brother Randolph King and no other. Now, you may 
think, Ran., that it's great fun to play this trick and 
keep mother worried half to death— but it isn't funny 
at all and I advise you to call it off. 

Ran. : By what charming logic did you arrive at 
this definite conclusion as to my identity f 

Beatrix : I reason this way. If you were not my 
brother you would make love to me. All men do. 
Since you do not— moreover, since you notice me 
even less than you do the maid-of-all-work— you must 
be my brother. I never had any attraction for him. 

Ran. [aside] : Good reasoning, Bea ! [To Beatrix.] 
I'll admit your deduction is sensible, but there may 
be more than one reason why I haven't made love to 
you besides the one you believe. Simply because I 
don't, is no reason why I wouldn't like to, you know. 
And as for failing to notice you— my eye is on you 
every moment you are within it's vision. [Aside.] 
You bet it is. I'm wondering what she'll spring 
next for a trap to catch me in. But— will she bite? 
Will she bite? [To Beatrix.] I have always wor- 
shiped you — from a distance. 



24 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Beatrix [aside] : He's not so slow for a chore boy 
after all. [I'o Ran.] I don't believe I understand 
you. 

Ran. [aside]: She's nibbling! She's nibbling! 
[He sits beside her in the hammock.] I mean what 
I say. Ever since I first saw you I have worshiped 
you — at a distance. 

Beatrix : How cleverly you have concealed your 
interest ! 

Ran. [aside] : She'll swallow hook, line, bait and 
all in a second. [To Beatrix.] I have meant to let 
"concealment, like a worm in the bud, feed on my 
damask cheek" — ^you know, like Shakespeare and all 
the other poets. But how could a fellow like myself, 
without a penny in my pocket, a country bumpkin, a 
chore boy, a — a — a — [Jte embraces Beatrix]. 

Beatrix: Oh, please don't, Mr.. Tilton. I — I — 
think I hear my mother calling. Please let me go. 

Ran. [holding her] : Not until you have given me 
permission to woo you boldly, to show my love for 
you madly, to — to — to — 

Beatrix \trying to escape] : Please let me go! 
Please ! 

Ran. : You are angry with me for having spoken ? 
Ah, I should have carried my guilty secret to the 
grave! [Hanging head.] 

Beatrix: No, no, Mr. Tilton. I am not angry. 
Of course not, but — but — Oh, let me go. 

Ran. [holding her ivith most unlover-like force] : 
Not until you have promised at some future date to 
become my wife. 

Beatrix [aside] : Oh, goodness! I'll have to 
promise to get away. Why did I ever start this scene 
anyway? [To Ran.] Yes, I — I — promise. 



^ 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 25 

Ran.: At some future date? [Aside.] About a 
thousand years from now. 

Beatrix [aside] : That's very indefinite. I'll 
promise. [To Ran.] Yes, yes. Years and years from 
now, I'll be your wife. 

Ran. : One kiss before you go, my, my — beloved. 

Beatrix [clapping hands over mouth] : Yes, yes. 
\She kisses him on one ear a moment later and runs 
out. Enter Boh, to find Ran. dancing around the 
piazza in great glee.] 

Bob: What's the celebration? 

Ran.: I'm overcome with happineess. Trix has 
promised to marry me. We're to be married at some 
future date. Congratulations ! 

Bob: You false and frisky friend ! I don't believe 
it. She is already engaged to me — or was before we 
came on this fool trip — and I don't believe she's for- 
gotten me, if I haven't had the price of a pastage 
stamp to write her for a week. 

Ran.: I've cut you out, Bobby boy. Oh, it was 
like taking candy from a child. Will I tease her this 
winter. I'll say so. 

Bob: I wonder if Lucile w^ould fall for me that 
way. Guess I '11 try it. 

Ran: Go on. She won't bite. She's heaps 
shrewder than Bea any May mornnig. Go on. I 
should worry. Here she comes. I'll get behind the 
hammock and watch you get stung. [Dodges behind 
hammock. Enter Lucile Martini.] 

LuciLE: Good morning, Mr. Tilton. Is your 
brother about ? 

Bob : No, I think not. He is feeding the pig. 



26 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

LuciLE: How indusli'ioiis you two are. I never 
see you idle a minute. 

Bob: Oh, yes, we're little busy bees. We have to 
be. 

LuciLE : It must take a lot of work to keep every- 
thing so spic and span. I wanted to invite your 
brother — and you — to climb the mountain with us 
tomorrow. Do you think you could arrange it? 

Bob: I am afraid not. At least — I couldn't. 

LuciLE: Oh, dear! It's only for a single after- 
noon. 

Bob: It isn't the time it will take, exactly. But 
— ^but — well, the truth is, Miss Lucile, I don't believe 
I ought to see too nuich of you. I — I — I love you. 
I have from the moment I saw you. But what have 
I to offer a girl like you? 

Lucile; You love me? Oh, Mr. Tilton! 

Bob: Of course, it's the very thing I ought not to 
do. My young life at present is made up of dis- 
appointment and longing for something that comes 
not. I expect no for an answer, but I hope 3'ou will 
forgive my hasty words. 

LuciLE: Of course, I'll forgive you. And I'm 
very sorry if you are unhappy. You look so much 
like a fellow I know in Boston that is engaged to 
Beatrix King that I never dreamed you saw me. It's 
the funniest thing in the world how you two boys 
resemble those other two boys. Wliy your brother 
Charles — 

Bob: Never mind. Don't talk about that. Tell 
me you are not angry with me for having unfolded 
to you the portals of my heart. Tell me that perhaps 
I may someday come in my Fierce Sparrow car and 
whirl you away to become my bride. [He puts his 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 27 

arm around LuciJr.] Tell me, Lueile — I dare call 
you that, tell me that you will be my wife. 

LuciLE [aside] : Oh, what shall I say? I can't 
bear the sight of him. But he's proposed, and that's 
the only one I've had this summer to brag about 
when I get back home. [To Boh.] Yes, I promise 
you. But don't let anybody know. We will keep 
it a secret until some future date. I — I've got to 
break an engagement first, because I was engaged to 
Randolph King, Bea's brother. lie's been gone now 
a long time and hasn't written to me or anything. 
I don't intend to be treated that way. Anyway, he 
was awfully silly at times and he would comlD his 
hair pomp, regardless. Yes, Jim, I'll promise. Now 
I must go. Here comes Dolly King. She's an awful 
little tattle tale and will run and tell her mother if 
she catches us alone together. Goodbye — Jim. [Exit.] 

Bob : AYho 's stung now ? 

Ran.: You don't want to keep this thing up, do 
you hear? If you do, we part company. 

Bob: Oh, take your medicine. The game was fair 
enough. Here comes Dolly. [Enter Dolly.] 

Dolly : I want to see the cow slip, Rannie. 

Bob: Run away and don't bother. There arn't 
any cow-slips. 

Dolly [sticking out tongue at Boh] : I'm not talk- 
ing to you. Bob Webster. I'm talking to Rannie. 
Why can't I see her slip now, Rannie? 

Ran.: Why, er — er — because it's too late. 

Dolly: Well, what time does she slip? 

Ran.: Very early in the morning, just as Round, 
Red, Jolly Mr. Sun tosses off his rosy blankets, like 
the Peter Rabbit book you know. 



28 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Dolly: As early as that? 

Ran. : Yes. The moment the cow gets out of bed 
she puts on her slippers and goes out and, er — er — 
slips. Then she goes home, takes off her slippers and 
doesn't slip again until she slips the next morning. 

Dolly : Will you call me the very next time jou 
see her putting on her slippers? 

Ran. : Yes, my dear. The moment I see her reach 
under her bed for her slippers I will call you. 

Dolly [throivhig arms around Ran's tvaist] : I 
just love you, Rannie. You can't fool me. I know 
you. I just love you all the better for telling lies. 

[Exit.] 

Bob: Phew! She's the limit. You couldn't fool 
her by hook or by crook. [Enter R. M.] 

R. M. : Come, you Jim, you git to work and chop 
wood for Miss Susie. Foxey Grandpa, Mrs. Irving 
said to tell you Polly will be right down for her 
lessons. [Exit R. M. Enter Pauline ivith hooks, 
accompanied hy Ethelind.] 

Pauline [to Ethelind] : I don't see why you need 
tag. 

Ethelind: I'm not tagging. I'm chaperoning 
you. 

Pauline: You'll need a chaperon yourself. 

Ethelind: We'll chaperon each other. Gus is 
coming down on the piazza to read. 

Pauline: To read sounds good. 

Ethelind: Remember, I'm chaperoning you, so 
eyes to the front and no tattling. [Enter Va7i. Sits 
hy Efkelind through lesson and they giggle and whis- 
per together.] 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 29 

Pauline: I'm ready, ]\Ir. Tilton. 

Bob \to Ilau.]: Oh, you Latin Teacher. [Exit.] 

Ran. \to Pauline] : My, my, what a pile of books? 
Are you behind in every one of them? How unfor- 
tunate. I shall begin by asking you a few questions 
to find out how you stand in class. 

Pauline: AYe never stand, Mr. Tilton. We al- 
ways sit. 

Ran.: Is that so? Now how much breath that 
saves me. I know without asking. Then let us open 
our Aeneid to the first chapter and you may read a 
little. I want to see if your pronounciation is eor- 
I'eet. It is very important that it should be, in case 
you ever go to Latin, you know. You would, of 
course, want to talk with the natives. 

Pauline: AYhy, I thought Latin was a dead lan- 
guage, Mr. Tilton « 

Ran. : No, no, indeed. I wish it were and had been 
buried before I struck college. Begin to read, please. 
\Pauline reads rapidly a few lines.] 

Ran.: Your pronounciation is letter perfect. I'm 
pretty sure if you go to Latin you can buy a dozen 
l3ananas and a pint of peanuts without having to pay 
more than twice their value. Now let us have some 
English. Dear me, there are so many books I hardly 
know which one to choose. I tell you how we'll settle 
it ! You may place them all on the floor in a row. 
I will then shut my eyes and select one. The one I 
choose will be the one we study. 

Pauline [placing hooks on floor] : How interest- 
ing! Now, choose. 

Ran. [taking up hook] : Shakespoke ! How I dote 
on Shakespoke. Don't you? 



30 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Pauline: I dote on anything, with you for a 
teacher. 

Ran. : Open the book to page 39 and read an act 
from "Quart for Quart." 

Pauline: Why — there isn't any such play. There 
is "Measure for Measure." [Hunts frantically.] 

Ran.: That's it. I knew it was something about 
quantity. Page 39. 

Pauline: Page 39 is blank, Mr. Tilton. 

Ran.: How unfortunate! Then we can't study 
any longer. It is really aggravating when one has 
made up one's mind to do a thing thorough!}^ to find 
oneself balked in this ^vay. But we may have better 
luck tomorrow. I will assign your lesson. Translate 
all of the Aeneid and memorize the play, "All's Right 
if It Ends All Right." Class dismissed. \ Enter 
R. M.] 

R. M. : If you're through, with Polly, Foxe3^ you 
can go help Jim. He ain't got half enough wood 
chopped. 

Pauline [to Ethelmd] : Come, Ethelind. 

Ethelind [to Van] : I must go. But I will be 
back. Wait for me. I can give her the slip easy. 
[Turns hack a moment.] Gus! Gus! [Pulls curl. 
Enter Lucile and Beatrix.] 

Beatrix : We need just three more to make up 
our party. 

Lucile : Gus Van Der Water is here. He's an 
insufiferable old bore, but he's better than nothing. 

Beatrix: There he is! I'll ask him. \To Van.] 
Why, Mr. Van Der Water. Are you here, too? What 
a charming surprise. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 31 

Van [rising and making a sweeping how]: Miss 
King, bah, Jove. And — well, well, well, Miss Martin. 
I'm delighted. Sit down. [Girls sit with Van be- 
tween them.] 

Beatrix: We're planning a little trip to the 
mountain, Mr. Van Der Water, and we'd love to have 
you come along. Could we induce you? 

LuciLE : You really must go, Mr. Van Der AVater. 
It would add so much to the pleasure of the occasion. 

Van: I'd be delighted, ladies. Anything for a 
change. Do you know% I think this is the most stupid 
summer resort I ever was in. I do, truly. Nothing 
but mountains, mountains, mountains. But I'm glad 
you're here. I'll send for my launch and have it put 
on the lake. AVe'll make gay times, the three of us. 
[He puts his arm about both girls. Enter Ethehnd, 
unseen. She stands ivatching. Enter Bob and Ban, 
also unseen. They stand listening and watching.] 

Lucile: Oh, Mr. Van Der AVater, won't that be 
wonderful. Moonlight sails, mid-day picnics— oh, 
Bea, aren't you glad we're here. 

Van : I'll have the auto up, too. Oh, we'll be gay 
from now on. 

Lucile: Come on, Bea. It's time to dress for 
lunch. See you tomorrow, then, Mr. Van Der Water. 
Good-bye. [Exit Bea and Lucile.] 

Ran. [starting towards Van and shaking his fist 
in his face:] You let me see you put your arm 
around Lucile Martin again, you, you, soft-shell crab, 
and I'll punch you for it. Do you catch my drift? 

Bob- And when he gets through with you,. I '11 
take a turn. No joking, either. [Ethehnd coming 
from hiding place.] 



32 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Etheltnd: And I'll never, never, never speak to 
you again as long as I live, Augustus Adolphus Van 
Der Water. 

Van : But — what — I — what did I do — 

Ethelind: What did you do? What did you say ? 
I know. I saw you and heard you. Good-bye — for- 
ever. [She starts to go out, imllmg the curl over her 
shoulder.] 

Van: But Ethelind, you can't be angry. You are 
pulling your curl. It means — you know what it 
means — 

Ethelind: Yes, I do know what it means. It 
means, I hate you ! I hate you ! I hate you ! | Stamps 
foot.] So there! 

CURTAIN 



ACT IV 

Scene: [Same as previous acts. R. M. and Miss 
C. Oil piazza. M'iss C. is rocking vigorously.] 

Miss C. : I'm glad and thankful that the month 
is up and the boarders going home. I guess I've had 
about enough of them, and I'll rest through August. 

R. M. : You listen to me, Miss Susie. You ain't 
near so tired of the boarders as you are of those two 
nuts, Jim and Charlie. I'm near dead myself, driving 
'em the way I have to. They was bad enougli before 
these girls come, but now they can't do anything — 
'fraid Miss Lucile or Miss Beatrix will do something 
they won't know about. 

Miss C. : Do you think they're smitten with the 
girls ? 

R. M. : Smitten? Smashed, I call it. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 33 

Miss C. : I like both girls. I hope you've noticed 
their nice, lady-like manners, Rose Marie, and will 
try lo act like 'em. 

R. M.: Me act like them? Oh, Lawsey! I couldn't 
—but I'll try. 

Miss C. : That's good. I like you, and I'd like to 
see you more of a lady. I'll miss you this winter 
when you go back to the city. 

R. M. : I ain't goin' back to the city. I'm going 
to stay here with you. I've seen a long time ago you 
needed me. You ain't fit to take care of yourself any 
more'n a baby. Jes' see how these two guys, Jim 
and Charlie, would have done you, if I hadn't been 
'round to pertect you! [Enter Van Der Water.] 

Yan: I'm the most miserable man on earth. 

R. M.: I'll say so! 

Yan: Would you be kind enough to try and find 
Miss Ethelind Irving for me? Don't tell her I'm 
looking for her, just send her out here on an imag- 
inary^ errand. She wouldn't come if she knew I 
wanted her, and I must see her. 

R. M. : I'll send her along. \Exit.] 

Miss C. : I guess I'll go see to my pudding. 

[Exit.] 

Yan [sitting in Jiammock and holding head in 
hands] : Not once since that awful day has she even 
looked at me. Oh, it was all a miserable mistake. 
And besides Ethelind, the two men-of-all-work have 
contrived to make my life wretched. At times my 
life has been in danger, for with brooms and fists 
and threatening remarks, the two Tiltons have not 
ceased to annoy me. Ah, it is a sad world. [Enter 
Ethelind.] 



34 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Van : Ethelind ! 

Ethelind : \ ou needn 't speak to me. 

Van: I must. 

Ethelind: I won't listen. I won't. I won't. I 
won't. I'm going right away. 

Van: You must listen. .1 want to say that I 
didn't mean — 

Ethelind : Yes, you did. You meant to flirt with 
Trix and Lucile. And besides, you said this was the 
stupidest place you have ever been in, and you'd had 
a tiresome time. And — and — and I talked with you 
at least five minutes during the day! [AS'ofoi'.] 

Van: Don't cry, Ethelind! I — I — shall really do 
something terrible to myself if you do. 

Ethelind: You haven't got nerve enough. I'm 
tired and sick of you. I've hinted and hinted, and 
waited and waited, but you never seem to notice. 
I shall find somebody else to marry; if I don't, before 
I know it, I shall be an old maid. 

Van: I'm sure I never knew you hinted at any- 
thing. Now, why don't you — er — speak right out? 
It would be so much clearer and plainer, don't you 
know '/ 

Ethelind: A girl can't ask a man to elope with 
her, can she ? 

Van : Why, why — is tliat what you mean — elope ? 
And you've hinted at it, time and time again, and I 
never understood? Why, I begin to believe I'm not 
so awfully clever after all. When shall we elope? 

Ethelind : Now ! 

Van: Now? But your aunt and sister — won't 
they have to come along? 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 35 

Ethelind : Of course not ! Who ever heard of 
anybody eloping with their aunt and sister tagging? 
And liow far do you think Aunt Emma would go? 
The only way we can ever be married, Gus Van Der 
Water, is to go alone and now. 

Van: Let's start then. I'll admit for a bright 
man I have been awfully stupid. [Exit Van and 
Ethelind. Enter Ran. and Bob.] 

Ran.: Oh, the eternal pig and cow! I'll never 
eat pork or drink milk again as long as I live. Have 
you fed the critters this morning? 

Bob: No. Have you looked in the Rural Route 
box for a letter today ? 

Ran.: No. I'm as sick of looking for a letter as 
I am taking care of the live-stock. 

Bob: I'll stroll out. It might have come. [Exit. 
Enter Lucile and Beatrix.] 

Beatrix: Randolph King, I'm ashamed of you. 
I was never fully satisfied that you were telling 
me your right name, and I've been talking with Rose 
Marie, and she explained to me how you happened 
to be working here. The time, the auto and all, make 
it perfectly plain to me that you are my brother. 
Besides, papa wrote mama that he hadn't heard a 
word from you since he came back from the West, 
and he said the auto was gone too. Mama is wor- 
ried to death. She thinks something terrible has 
happened to you, for she never doubted you as I did. 
I'm mighty glad of one thing. You've learned a 
lesson here. You won't run over a potato patch again 
in a hurry — especially when you've lost your pocket- 
book. 

Lucile : I'm awfully disappointed in you, Ran- 
dolph. [Enter Dolly.] 



36 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Dolly: Our auto is out in Miss Susie's barn, all 
rust and bust. Who put it there? 

Beatrix: Lead me to that broken auto, Dolly. 
That will prove everything. [Exit Lucile, Dolly and 
Beatrix. Enter R. M.] 

R. M. : Say, Foxey, you know when you first come, 
you claimed you'd lost your pocketbook? Well, what 
kind of a one was it? Describe it, what was in it, 
etc. 

Ean. : It was a billfold. I can't tell just how 
much money there was in it. Quite a sum. 

R. M. : That's too bad, cause you can't identify it 
very well. Was there pictures of people in it, snap- 
shots? 

Ran.: Yes. Lots of 'em. 

R. M. : Mostly of Miss Lucile ? 

Ran. : Oh, there might have been. 

R. M. : I tell you, Foxey, you ain't cut out for a 
poet, either. Par's I can see you ain't cut out for 
anything perticular. You wrote up top of a poem, 
"To Miss Lucile," and begun it, "Oh, maiden, ever 
bright and fair" — then you stopped. Couldn't you 
think of anything to rhyme with fair? 

Ran. : Never you mind. You 've found my pocket- 
book, so hand it over. I'll reward you handsomely. 

R. M. : I don't want any handsome reward. Let's 
finish the verse instead. "Maiden ever bright and 
fair, don't you ever comb your hair?" How '11 that 
do? [Enter Boh, waving a letter about and capering.] 

Bob: Here she is, Randolph! With the check. 
Now we're alright. We'll leave Millersville as soon 
as we get the car in commission. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 37 

Ran. : And Rose Marie lias found my pocketbook. 
If she ever gives it to me. [R. M. tosses it to him.] 

R. M. : Better let me take the poem to Miss Lueile, 
Foxey. 

Ran. [passing her a hill] : Here's a little present. 
Can't you forget you ever saw that poem? 

R. M. [passing it hack] : I don't want to forget 
it. But I won't spring it on her. I promise. Here 
comes the folks now, all ready for the train. [Enter 
summer hoarders and Miss C] 

Mrs. I. : Has anybody seen Ethelind? 

LuciLE: I saw her going down the road with Mr. 
Van Der "Water a little while ago. 

Mrs. I. : With Van Der Water ! 

Pauline : Here she comes now ! [Enter Ethelind 
and Van.] 

Mrs. I. : Where have you been, Ethelind ? We 
are waiting for you. 

Ethelind: Don't wait any longer. Gus and I 
have decided to stay another week. 

Mrs. L: Indeed! 

Ethelind [to Van] : Tell her we're married. 

Van [to Mrs. I.] : You see, Mrs. Irving, Ethelind 
and I have are — are — 

Mrs. I. : Are what ? 

Van [weakly] : Back again. 

Ethelind : Oh, let me tell her ! Auntie, Gus and 
I have been married. 

Mrs. I.: Married! Married! [Turns haughtily 
away.] Come, Pauline, let us go. 



38 PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 

Miss C. : The team's at the door. 

Beatrix: I've had a perfectly delightful time. 

LuciLE: So have I. 

Mrs. K. : I should have, if I hadn't been so wor- 
ried about my son Randolph. 

Beatrix: Don't worry any longer, mother. That 
is Randolph, as I have always insisted. He came up 
here in the car, smashed it to smitherens, and then 
tried to put it over on us that he wasn't one of the 
family. He couldn't put it over on me though! 

Ran.: Couldn't I? When will the wedding be? 

Beatrix : Wretch ! 

Ran. : Yes, mother, I am your long lost and wan- 
dering son. I was just trying to see if I could prove 
black is white and the moon made of green cheese, 
and that Randolph King could be Charles Tilton. 
I can't seem to convince Dolly, so I'll give up the 
game. It was great fun playing it, though. 

Bob: Oh, wasn't it. 

LuciLE: Since when have you two found it so 
dreadfully funny to work? And work you have, 
like Trojans, since we've been here. 

Van: As a married man, I propose that we all 
give three cheers for Miss Cumming's boarding-house, 
and I suggest that we come here from now until — 
until — er, well, until, don't you know? 

Women Boarders: Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! 

Ran. : Will I spend my summers here from now 
until? I should say not, and if anybody mentions 
Millersville to me again as long as I live, I'll take 
their young lives on the spot. 



PRISONERS IN MILLERSVILLE 39 

Bob: You've said a whole lot, boy. [Enter Jane 
Allen, with cup in hand.] 

Mrs. a. : I ain't been nigh you for a month, Susie, 
but I must git a better view of your boarders 'fore 
they go home. They ain't goin' today, be they? 

Miss C. : On the next train, Jane. 

R. M. : Train's whistling up to Upham's Corner! 
Better speed her up ! [Boarders move away, waving 
to Miss C, Ran. arid Boh.] 

Ran.: We'll be home in a day or two. Money 
makes the mare go, and money '11 release us — two 
prisoners in Millersville. 

curtain 



Children's Dialogs and Plays ^ 

CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN. A delightful May Day play. Children go May. 
Ing, crown a queen, wind Maypole, encounter gypsy, etc. Great excitement. S5c, 

THE DOLL'S SYMPOSIUM. Toy Shop at night. Dolls and toys have great frolic. 
Spicy dialog. Fancy drills and specialties Introduced. Clever. 35c. 

THE DOLLY SHOW. The dearest little "bal)y show" ever. Each little girl dis- 
plays her dollv to best advantajie to wise little judge; in cute rhyme; easy. 25c. 

FAVORITE DRAMATIZATIONS. Contains "Red Riding Hood," "The Three 
Bears," "The Hare with Many Friends," "The Wonderful Piper," and "The 
Pumpkin Tree." All very desirable and easily produced by primary pupils. 35c. 

A GOOSE AND SOjME GEESE. A jolly little Mother Goose play with a very 
pointed climax. No tx)thersome scenery or properties required. Very amusing. 25c. 

THE HOLIDAYS' CARNIVAL. St. Valentine's Day, April Fools', Easter. Hal- 
lowe'en, Christmas and other holidays represented l)y children. March, songs. 25c. 

THE KNICKERBOCKERS AT SCHOOL. A "Dutch" burlesque. Very comic 
presentation of old-fashioned Dutch school and customs. Quaint and funny. 35c. 

lilGHTHEART. Allegorical play in two acts. 7 m., 12 or more f. Boy, assisted 
by Work, Courage and Wisdom, travels to City of Success, is beset by Folly, 
rescued l)y Lightheart, bravest of Fairy Band, finally meets Love. 35c. 

ORIGINAL DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME. Splendid collection of witty, spicy, 
lively dialoffs. We guarantee their excellence. Primary and Intermediate. 35c. 

PAT And his countrymen. Brisk dialog abounding with Irish wit, for gram- 
mar or high school. Splendid for St. Patrick's Day. Instructive. 2m. 25c. 

PETITE PLAYS. Collection of the spiciest comic dialogs, comedies and farces, by 
best American authors. Short, strong, witty; not di05cult. 2 to 6 parts. 40c. 

PUPPET PLAYS rOR SPECIAL. DAYS. Contains ten Puppet plays arranged for 
all the holidays and special days of the school year. Very easily produced. 40c. 

ROYALTY IN OLD VIRGINIA. Historical play portraying thrilling events in life 
of Powhatan, Pocahontas and Capt. John Smith. Grammar or high school. 35c. 

SCHOOL PLAYS FOR FESTIVE DAYS. Over a score of the richest, spiciest 
dialogs for all grades. Every one a winner. Bright and instructive. 40c. 

YANKEE DOODLE'S TRIP TO DIXIE. A Revolutionary adventure. Full of 
patriotism. For grammar grades. 3 scenes. 6 m., 6 f. 30 minutes. 25c. 

Good English Week Entertainments 

GOOD ENGLISH PROGRAM. An up-to-date program to be used in celebrating 

Good English Week. In two parts, a bright, snappy minstrel and a mock trial 
of Bad Speech. 1 V^ hours. 25c. 
THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH. The Queen of the English Langnage 
with her ladies-in-waiting, assisted by gallant courtiers, wage war and defeat 
Poor Speech and his outlaws. A very desirable production. 25c, 

Plays for High School and Adults 

AL MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE. Unsurpassed for merriment. Country store's 

customers, loafers, gossipers, lovers, etc. Splendid climax. Loads of fun. 35c. 
AND THE LAMP WENT OUT. A screamingly funny pantomimic performance. 

Clever beyond description. 2 males, 2 females, and reader. 35e. 
CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL. Humorous play for children or young people. New 

"skewl-marm" on opening day. Capricious pupils, august visitors, etc. 35c. 
CATCHING CLARA. An up-to-date commencement play. Great excitement, thrill- 
ing time, lots of fun. 3 scenes, 10 males, 15 females, or more. 40e„ 
THE CHARITY PLPIL. Boarding school episode, lively with vivacious pranks 

and exciting times. Strong plot with happy climax. Splendid class play. 35e. 
A CORNER IN HEAKTS. A clever and amusing little parlor play. All lovers 

propose to the same girl. Rich humor. Pleasing situations. 4 m., 1 f. or 5 m. 25c. 
THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 6 m., 6 f. Highest type commencement play. 

Brilliant success. Acting rights free to purchaser of 12 copies. 40c, 
CUPID'S JOKE. Charming little drama in which Cupid gets "busy." Splendid for 

St. Valentine's Dav or any social occasion. 5 m., 5 f. and Cupid. % hr. 25c. 
A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL. New play of the ' Deestrick Skule" 

tvpe. Full of wit and clever drollery. City auto party vs. rural youngsters. 35c. 
A DICKENS REVIVAL. An elaborate play introducl'jg 40 Dickens characters. 

Very clever plot which gathers interest and culminates in pleasing climax. 35c. 
THE DISPELLING OF BIG JIM. Negro farce. Big Jim is tried by officials of 

Big Bethel Cliurch for misdemeanor. Great excitement. Darky humor. 8 m. 25c. 
THE GOLDEN GOBLET. Exceedingly clevc-r farce with female cast, for Bachelor 

Girls' and Women's Clubs, etc. Uproariously funny. 12 females. 1 hour. 40c. 
THE HEIR OF MT. VERNON. Cp'onial Society play. Washington's sterling 

manhood and rare courtesy portrayed. Old iilautation melodies, etc. 8 m., 8 f, 35o. 

(a) 



Plays for High School and Adults 

HER SUPEKIOK INTELLIGENCE. A comedy; one of tbe cleverest bits of re- 
frcHbiiig humor ever conceived. 2 m., 1 f. One scene. 40 minutes. 86c. 

BLLVWATHA DKAMATIZED. Higb-grade drama arranged from Longfellow's 
masterpiece; vivid dramatic scenes. Contains description of costumes, Indian 
music, and other details necessary. Time, 1 bour. 35c. 

HOW SHE MANAGED IT. A bewitching young lady resorts to a very plausible 
plot for securing a proposal and succeeds. Ideal parlor play. Clever. 1 m., i f. 25c 

IN THE WAKE OF PAL'L KEVEKE. Exciting incidents of revolutionary days 
woven into a charming play. Makes life in the old days real. Delightful 35c 

JOY OF THE L. V. Thrilling Wild West play. Clever and humorous; depicting 
cowboys in love, jealousy and intrigue. Very meritorious. 10 m., 2 f, 35c 

A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION. Brave little girl with cl'ever 
tact deceives British and passes their lines with message to General Marion. 35c. 

THE LOST VILLAGE. An eighteenth and twentieth century contrast. Inhabi- 
tants still live as did their Puritan ancestors. When Prudence returns a full- 
fledged twentieth century girl, things happen. 10 m., 5 f. 30 min. 25c. 

LOVER.S OF AI^L AGES. Unique novelty for high schools, colleges, clubs, etc. 
Beautiful presentation of famous lovers of all times. 1 m., 18 f. and Cupid. 35c, 

MARRIED TO A SUFFRAGETTE. Bobbs is left to 'tend the baby. Baby dis- 
appears. Reward oQered. Babies returned by the dozen. Rare fun. 25c. 

THE MASONIC RING. Society play of excellent literary merit, spicy and clever. 
A succession of provokingly funny climaxes. Splendid for any time. 40c. 

MOTHER GOOSE BAZAAR. Money-making specialty. Jolly folk from "Goose- 
land" do cute stunts, sing catchy rhymes, selling their wares, etc. 25c. 

OLD COLONY DAYS. New dramatization of the Courtship of Miles Standish, 
reproducing story In langiiage of the poem. 3 m., 1 f., or more. 1% hrs. 35c. 

A PLAIE FOR MERRIE MAY TYME. Adaptation of old English Maypole game 
and folk dance, with music of period. 14 females. 35 minutes. 25c. 

PUPPET PLAYS FOR SPECIAL DAYS. Contains ten puppet plays-prranged for 
all the holidays and special days of the school year. Very easily produced. 40c. 

THE Rl MMAGE SALE AT HICKORY HOLLOW. One of those little satires 
that provokes the merriest humor. Rare old treasures "sacrificed." 25c. 

THE SALOON MUST GO. An engaging but powerful anti-saloon play. Splendid 
fur campaign. A bombardment of hot snot, song and story. 25c. 

SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. A nonsense play In which well-known Shake- 
Sfteanan characters face present-day problems. 8 females. 30 minutes. S5c. 

TWO MERRY WAGERS. Society play for adults. 1 m.. 3 f. Plot Interesting, 
style excellent. Good opportunity for Irish female. Plays about 30 minutes. 
One scene. 25c. 

UP-TO-DATE AMERICA or THE SWEET GIRL GRADUATE'S DREAM. 
Unique, bumorou-s, surprising climax. 10 m., 10 f,. or more. 1% hours. 35c, 

VERA'S VACATION. Nothing so delightful as this absorbing "story" of a vaca- 
tion with summer boarders. Eccentric characters. Rich fun. 4 m., 5 f. 35c. 

THE WAIF'S THANKSGIVING. Play. Appreciation of wealthy lady shown 
wuif. leads to recovery of her little kidnapped son. Charming. 5 m., 4 f. 35c. 

WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. Thrilling drama of action. Ban- 
ners, processions, sones. argument, love. Exciting plot. Loads of fun. 35c. 

A WOMAN'S PRIVILEGE. Three-act play suitable for high school. Foolish 
fads and fancies of present-day styles; democracy in dress wins. A presentation 
of a needed reform. 3 males, 8 females. 35c. 

WOOING JANE. A bright and vivacious parlor scene. Thurston's train leaves In 
half boar. Bis proposal to Jane Is provokingly interrupted, but be succeeds. 25c. 



Operettas 



THE BELLES OF FOL-DE-ROL. An operetta for adults. Written for voices 
of medium range throughout. Text and musical setting are most excellent: high- 
class production. S males. 7 females ; chorus if desired. 50c. 

THE FLOWER NYMPHS' SURPRISE. Spectacular operetta. Music brilliant 
and captivating. Charming production. Good for last day. 8 m.. 8 f. 35c. 

JACK FROST'S IvnSTAKE. Clever operetta. Jack and Sprites "wake up" Santa, 
mistaking Thanksgiving for Christmas; brisk and jolly; 8 or more boys. 35c 

QUiiEN OF THE YEAR. Winter cantata for schools. Any number of boys and 
girls. Music simple, but unusually pleasing. 25c. 

THE RUN-A-WAY BEAR. Full of spicy fun. Music dainty and exceptionally 
pretty. Introduces 'Tedrly Bear Parade." etc. Very clever. 60c. 

THE TOYS' REBELLION. Unlqne operetta. Dolls and toys refuse to leave Toy- 
land. Santa happily adjusts matters. Bright and pleasing. 40c 

(b) 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



Famous Funnj 

nVE FOR 25 CENTS. NOT LES 




015 910 152 6 



AUNT JANE ^^SITS SCHOOL. By Jeannette 

females. Aunt Jane spends a morning In a .„v,.. ^ ivacmg rarce. 

AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH. By EfBe Louise Koo?le. 1 male 2 

females. Tliese eccentric folks visit the school, producing no end of fun 
AUNT LUCINDA STAYS. By Willis N. Biigbee. 2 males. 2 females. Two darky 

characters make lots of fun. Clever and clean. 
'•BEAT IT!" By Willis N. Bucbee, S males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes 

trouble for everybody, the parson included. Oceans of fun. 
BETTY AND BETSY. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males. 2 females. Betsy was 

advertised for sale, but he wanted Betty. Bright and pretty. 
THE BUOTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More 

fun than you can imagine, and a iitile music which anybody can make 
THE BUZZVILLE NTSWS. By Bffle Ixjuise Koogle. 2 males. 1 female. * A breezy 

conversation between the manager and new editor. A sure hit. 
DOT ENTERTAINS. By Elizabeth P. Guptill. 1 male. 1 female. Dot entertains 

her big sister s beau, and the things she tells him are a plenty. A big success 
THE GOOSE FEATHERBED. By Willis N. Bugbee. 4 males, 1 female A 

dandy little play for Irish and eccentric characters. Easy and amusing. 
HASTE MAKES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. .3 males. Young drug clerk 

grabs the wrong bottle, and learns that haste makes waste. 
IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. By .Teannette Joyce, 4 males. 6 females. A laneh- 

able take-ofif on the specialist of today, in which some of the follies of humanity 

are exposed. > ' 

LAUGHTER AND BONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. 4 females. Comic 
dialog interspersed with jolly songs, making a continuous funny story 

LOOK OUT FOR HEZEKIAH. By Louise R. BaBCom. 3 males, 1 fe'male Hay- 
seed parents visit college dean. Splendid opportunity for clever actin" ' 

THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR. By Louise R. Basoom. 2* males «> 
females. Lunatic mistaken for brain specialist ; hard on the lunatic Great " ' 

MORE TIME OUT. By Carolyn F Rice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing 

•«/?^^J^l.^^^^*^.P^"^^^°^' ^^^ characters are strongly contrasted. EEfectipe. 

NO PEDDLERS ADmTTED. By .Teannette .Toyce. 2 males. 1 female. Tae 
busy man intended not to buy, but the peddler had a suave manner 

^m^S?^^Fun^of^u^^^^^^^'® ^^^* ^^ Jeannette Joyce. 2 males. 2 fe- 

"OH, YOU TEACHER!" Bv C. A. Donaldson. 8 males. 4 females. A splend'd 
comedy of school lite, showing the amateur teacher's trials. Suited for schools 

^'^£..^Z-^^'^ ^^^fW' ^^ V'"'^«^''"'^ -Qn^^c^m. 1 male. 1 female. A clever 

skit, bright with telling repartee. Recommended for all occasions 
THE "PHYSICAL TORTURE" CLUB. By W. N. Bugbee. 2 m..*2 f Physical 

culture exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheiimatic ; funny ' 
RASTUS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By E. L. Koogle. For any number' His 

Kinky Koons" are killing; joUiest minstrel show ever; deluge of drollery. 
"SCAT!" By T^ouise Rand Eascom. 1 male. 1 female. Cunning attempt of an 

eld maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. 
SEEING THE ANIMALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell 

hotel clerk, a suEfragette and a six)iled child make a lively thne. A hit 
THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By W. N. Bucbee. 3 males 2 females 

and other firemen, if desired; bright and snappy; easy and clever. 
THE STUPID WITNE.SS. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. The lawyer and 

witness lock horns and have an awful time, but it's fun for the audience 

Swift and keen. 
THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES. By L, R. Bascom. 1 male *> 

females. Will they catch the train? The suspense is punctured by fun and wltT 
THE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males. 2 females Ct«n- 

fusion ijQ a railway vstation. Strikingly funny. 
THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 male.s "^ 

females. He unexpectedly visits a farmer's family. All work is stopped and 

they poee for the picture, 
AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males. 2 females 

Will keen the audience interested every minute. Eflfeetive when nsed with 

"A Proposal in Grandma's Day," but each complete in itself. 
WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males. 1 femal© 

Humorous sitnatioQ resulting from a mlsunderstcndlug, Irish dialect. 

(c) 



• i 



